I GUARANTEE
I guarantee you’re not as strong as me.
 
You live your life as simple as can be.
 
People judge me every day and constantly stare.
 
They don’t know half of the burden that I bare.
 
I guarantee you couldn’t walk a day in my shoes;
 
Receiving funny looks and comments that are rude.
 
I guarantee you couldn’t live a day like this                                                       
 
Medications, aches and scares are absolutely no bliss.
 
I guarantee you can’t handle the ignorant comments I endure;
 
Relationships that are challenged and ones that are pure.
 
I guarantee you wouldn’t enjoy this body of mine;
 
Your skin is beautiful, mine doesn’t even shine.
 
Constant doctor’s appointments, diagnosis’s’, other issues too;
 
I’d appreciate your life much better than you do.
 
I guarantee you couldn’t handle a life you don’t like,
 
And I’m just being honest, not speaking out of spite.
 
Make up doesn’t fix my problems and neither does a fancy dress
 
I wake up to no escape and prepare for my next stress.
 
You party, work, go to school and live life so free.
 
I guarantee you wouldn’t last a day being me.
 
If you think I’m wrong then prove it so the world can see.
 
My life is complicated, not as simple as you think.
 
Appreciate what you have is what I’ve been taught.
 
But how should I feel when I lose my hair by default?
 
I’ve accepted the consequences of this disease
 
I guarantee you wouldn’t be able to challenge me.
 
Wake up in the morning and don’t comb your hair
 
Make your face look disfigured so people can stare
 
Pick up your piles of stress and place them on a table
 
Limit your actions as if you’re disabled.
 
Go to the doctor’s every other day
 
I guarantee there is no way you can live this way.
 
Please hear me out when I tell you it’s true.
 
I hope something like this may never affect you.
 
I haven’t lost my hope or strength, but I have accepted my reality.
 
Once you understand this, you’ll appreciate much more and this I guarantee.
 

Greetings everyone! Today hasn't been such a bad day besides the consistent pain, I've endured from these damn skin ulcers. The sad apart about it is that I have no idea where they come from and neither does my doctors. They presume it's lupus related.

Isn't it sad when you seek help but don't obtain the answer that you are looking for? This is the story of my life. I'm sure my fellow lupies could relate. You go to the doctors and sometimes they act jus as confused as you.

Now because of this recent inconvenience I am no longer allowed to do any activity involving my legs. This includes running, climbing, swimming, jumping, fast walking, etc. Now I have to go talk to my fitness instructor and explain to him my situation.

This kind of frustrates me because everyone always thinks I'm making excuses. Sometimes I find myself overcompensating just to prove to people that I'm not lazy and I do want to be average but I'm not. The bottom line is that I HAVE LUPUS, and there's not a damn thing that I can do about it.

So when I show up to class today and I have to sit on the sidelines due to health conditions, I know people will look at me and view it as unfair that they have to run for 15 minutes and I don't.

But honestly, I look at people and view my life as being unfair because I have to suffer with lupus and  they don't.

Aside of my crazy lupus life, I have so much planned ahead. I have a full head of individuals to braid on Friday, and then I will be flying out to San Francisco to celebrate my sister's birthday. I also have a 15 page leadership analysis paper due Sunday. Now only if lupus will allow these activities to occur!

Please pray for me and enjoy your day!

Today is NOT good! I'm so emotional right now, I could scream! I haven't been able to really function at work and I'm just wishing that I could get up and run away to an island with no one around. My body is experiencing so many difficult changes and not necessarily good ones. I'm at my maximum weight because of these freaking steroids and I feel like my doctors just keeps increasing my meds.

What the fuck? Why can't it just be right for one whole damn week? I heard someone complaining about not being able to find an outfit for their birthday, I wanted to say shut the hell up! There's worse problems out there!

I took my car to get a freaking smog and they charged me $250, damn, I feel like my pockets are being raped. Then he tells me I need a damn valve body transmission. Hell I might as well replace the damn car. Do you have any idea how much they'll charge me for a 525i series BMW? Then they increased my daycare fees. Like damn can I catch a break?

I already have to deal with this fucking dumb ass lupus and now this shit! I'm so overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, fed up, hopeless. Why can't I catch a break? Why can't I just be stress free?

My body is swollen, hands, feet, legs, and ankles. I'm tired as hell. School puts a lot of pressure of me, work puts pressure on me, motherhood puts pressure on me. Damn, where's my happy ending?

I know people are going through worse situations but I need a break. Just one day free of no worries, no drama, no stress, no confusion.

I'm at a lost for words and my brain is running 100 miles per minute! I couldn't even vent enough to write a poem!

I just feel like life isn't fair. Bad things still happen to good people and I know that I'm a good person! I hope my day tomorrow is much better!

MAY THE LORD BE WITH ME!